whether moving across the street or across the country, the act of moving is one of the biggest stressors for adults. therefore you can imagine how confusing and anxiety-provoking it could be a toddler who has never moved before. our toddler is a 2.5-year-old girl who points and proudly says, “thaaaat’s my house!” each time our car pulls up in front of our little yellow cottage in virginia. now our little tribe is moving to the west coast, to the bay area of california. this is a huge change for all of us, so we’re taking great care to talk through it and involve novi in each step of the process.
packing up special friends
for this blog, i’ll put on my art therapist hat (in addition to my momma hat) to address how art and creativity can aid a child in a time of transition.
as we began to pack our house, novi was showing some signs of stress. undoubtedly she was outwardly displaying the tension that my husband and i are under while making such a big transition. she started to say things like “i will not move to a new house!” and “i don’t want this toy to come to my new house!” this is when i contacted my dear friends and art therapy colleagues to ask for advice for ways to creatively address the move. these art therapists are a wealth of wisdom, and below are some of the great ideas i received from them in response:
- make a video or take photos together of the house, to honor it and say goodbye to each doorknob, etc. for kids who are a bit older, purchase a disposable camera and let them take their own pictures and make a photo album or photo book with them
- tell stories about and draw (for older kids perhaps) the house, her favorite rooms, her memories
- imagine the new fun things we will do in the new house and city
- go to a paint store and let her pick out her own color for the walls of her room (as you know from previous blog, we did this, and her room will be a lovely shade called twilight pearl. she loved this!)
- show her a map of where you are now and where you’re going and talk about the story and timeline for how we’ll get from here to there
- make packing into a game – perhaps imagining that packing a box is like wrapping presents to ourselves that we will open when we get to the new house
- keep a transitional object with her throughout the process
in the world of art therapy, we often use the term “transitional object.” in her book, handbook of art therapy
, cathy malchiodi gives an excellent description of this term:
art products can become transitional objects which may become imbued with meaning beyond what they are in reality. for example, a drawing or painting made by a child who is dependent on the therapist for support may become a transitional object in the absence of the therapist, defusing separation anxiety. in a similar vein, an adult may make a clay figure of a parent who abandoned her as a child, symbolically evoking that person and the unresolved trauma of separation… art product functions as a transitional object because it supports self-relationship and empowerment and encourages connection with the therapist who facilitates the creative expression.
we adults may have a piece of jewelry or a memento from a special event that holds the energy of a particular person or place. for a child, a transitional object may be a teddy bear or a blankie s/he takes everywhere as a “stand-in” for a parent while apart, or a constant object that carries a child from one side of a transition to the other. throughout the various stages of our move (planning, house-hunting, packing, waiting, unpacking,) we are making sure to keep novi’s transitional objects close by her for comfort and normalcy. we even have a tiny backpack with a stuffed animal carrier on the outside of it that novi can wear in the airport to keep her toys in, and fasten her beloved teddy bear, beau, to the outside.
comforting carry-on
in her curiosity about moving, novi has asked if our cats are coming with us (yes) and if her toys are coming (yes) and if we can take the wall, doorknob, ceiling (no, no, no.) it became clear that she has no frame of reference for what it means to move out of and into a new home, as she has never experienced such a thing. we have taken tours of the house, taken photos of special areas, and have been sure to say our goodbyes as a closing ritual to this time in our family’s life. we have also said mindful goodbyes to each of novi’s little friends and their families. we are blessed with thoughtful and artistic friends who gave novi (and me!) beautiful handmade cards and gifts to bid us farewell…
a rock from our local james river, painted by novi's friend
mommy/daughter handmade shell necklaces from another artsy friend
well-wishes & airplane adventures from 2 sisters who are novi's friends
we have been reading cute books to novi about moving (see bottom of this blog for recommended reading,) and have incorporated the idea of moving into novi’s play. as we began to discuss our pending move, we noticed that the particular theme of moving to california came up frequently in novi’s solitary imaginal play. on a trip to the san francisco bay area to find a new home for our family, i brought a trolly car back to novi so she could incorporate it into this schema.
san fran cable car
as we have packed up boxes, novi has invented her own packing games that make her feel that she is helping. when we packed our books, she got a ballpoint pen and started poking small holes in the boxes “so the books can breathe.”
poking holes in the boxes
she also helped to decorate the boxes with her stickers, and made stories about the adventures the boxes and stickers would go on together.
decorating the boxes
when packing novi’s toys, we let her put them into the boxes. she kissed each one and said, “i’ll see you in california!” we left out her transitional objects to bring with her on the plane: beau, her pillow, and a few other special friends. we also are taking along familiar books, familiar snacks, and a few fun new things to spice it up, too.
if you’re moving to a new state or climate, i suggest finding children’s books about the new area where you’ll be living. if the change is rural to urban or mountains to beach, perhaps books about the new environment would be fun for your child. below are a few of our favorite children’s books about what it means to move and what happens on moving day:
recommended reading for kids who are moving:
happy trails! and please forgive us for taking a little hiatus. our art materials are packed until we (and they) get to california the end of august… but if we get crafty with non-traditional art materials in the meantime, we’ll be sure to letcha know.
